1 00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:09,410 "MELISSA AND JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 2 00:00:12,643 --> 00:00:14,184 - MEL. - JOE. 3 00:00:14,185 --> 00:00:15,785 ( door closes ) 4 00:00:15,786 --> 00:00:17,117 AUSTIN? 5 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,320 JOE. 6 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:22,792 CAN SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING? IT FEELS LIKE WE'VE BEEN 7 00:00:22,793 --> 00:00:24,455 STANDING HERE FOR SIX MONTHS. 8 00:00:25,756 --> 00:00:26,657 WHAT'S HE DOING HERE? 9 00:00:26,658 --> 00:00:28,728 WELL, HE... THAT IS TO SAY, AUSTIN, 10 00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,161 'CAUSE HE HAS A NAME, STOPPED OVER. 11 00:00:31,162 --> 00:00:32,632 WELL, IT'S A LITTLE MORE THAN THAT. 12 00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,634 YEAH YEAH. I'M GETTING THERE. 13 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:39,539 AUSTIN HAS REEVALUATED HIS PREVIOUSLY STATED POSITION VIS-A-VIS... 14 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:40,670 OKAY, I'M NOT GETTING ANYWHERE WITH HER, 15 00:00:40,671 --> 00:00:42,041 SO I'M GONNA MOVE ONTO YOU. 16 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,345 AUSTIN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? 17 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,717 WELL, NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS, JOE, 18 00:00:47,718 --> 00:00:51,050 BUT I MADE A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT TO GET MY TUBES UNTIED. 19 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,722 I'M CLEARING THE PIPES, 20 00:00:52,723 --> 00:00:55,526 RELOADING THE TORPEDO. 21 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,691 YOU KNOW, YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID "VASECTOMY REVERSAL" 22 00:01:01,692 --> 00:01:03,463 AND SAVED ME THE IMAGERY. 23 00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:05,665 AND I CAME BY TO SHARE THE NEWS WITH MEL. 24 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:07,267 SHE AND I ARE GONNA GIVE IT A GO. 25 00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:08,668 WHAT KIND OF GO ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? 26 00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:11,801 THE USUAL GO, YOU KNOW, LIKE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN GO. 27 00:01:11,802 --> 00:01:14,174 OH YEAH, I'M FAMILIAR WITH THAT KIND OF GO. 28 00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:16,777 I JUST RECENTLY WENT THERE MYSELF. 29 00:01:18,549 --> 00:01:19,779 ( theme music playing ) 30 00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,651 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 31 00:01:21,652 --> 00:01:23,483 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 32 00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:24,854 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 33 00:01:24,855 --> 00:01:26,786 ♪ AS FAR AS I CAN SEE ♪ 34 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,518 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 35 00:01:28,519 --> 00:01:30,290 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 36 00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,192 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 37 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,824 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 38 00:01:34,825 --> 00:01:37,668 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 39 00:01:39,330 --> 00:01:40,530 SO THREE WEEKS FROM TODAY 40 00:01:40,531 --> 00:01:42,532 AFTER MY APPOINTMENT WITH DR. SCOTT SUZUKI, 41 00:01:42,533 --> 00:01:45,205 AND SEVERAL ICE PACKS, 42 00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:48,338 THERE'LL BE NOTHING STANDING IN THE WAY OF ME AND MEL. 43 00:01:48,339 --> 00:01:50,340 OH, I THINK THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING STANDING IN THE WAY. 44 00:01:50,341 --> 00:01:52,742 UH, JOE, YOU AND I CAN TALK ABOUT THIS LATER. 45 00:01:52,743 --> 00:01:53,843 REALLY, 'CAUSE LAST TIME I TRIED TO TALK TO YOU, 46 00:01:53,844 --> 00:01:55,515 YOU RAN FULL SPEED TO AN AIRPORT. 47 00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,687 YOU HAVE SUCH A GREAT MEMORY. 48 00:01:57,688 --> 00:01:58,788 THAT WAS THIS MORNING. 49 00:01:58,789 --> 00:02:01,151 WAS IT, NOW? 50 00:02:01,152 --> 00:02:02,822 IS THERE SOMETHING GOING ON HERE THAT I'M MISSING? 51 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:04,194 - NO. - YES. 52 00:02:04,195 --> 00:02:07,197 UH, LAST NIGHT, JOE AND I ENGAGED 53 00:02:07,198 --> 00:02:09,829 IN A VERY HEATED DISCUSSION. 54 00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:12,602 DISCUSSION? SERIOUSLY? 55 00:02:12,603 --> 00:02:14,734 A VERY HEATED PERSONAL DISCUSSION. 56 00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:15,735 WHICH MEANT A LOT TO ME. 57 00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:16,836 WHAT WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 58 00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:19,169 "GAME OF THRONES." 59 00:02:19,170 --> 00:02:20,870 AND WHETHER OR NOT IT'S REALLY ALL THAT GOOD A SHOW. 60 00:02:20,871 --> 00:02:22,672 YOU KNOW? JOE WAS TAKING ONE POSITION, 61 00:02:22,673 --> 00:02:24,515 I WAS TAKING ANOTHER. 62 00:02:25,776 --> 00:02:29,179 THERE WERE A LOT OF DIFFERENT POSITIONS TAKEN, ACTUALLY. 63 00:02:29,180 --> 00:02:33,623 BOY, YOU KNOW, MY MOM AND I HAD THE SAME BACK AND FORTH LAST NIGHT. 64 00:02:33,624 --> 00:02:35,326 I BET YOU DIDN'T. 65 00:02:36,587 --> 00:02:38,588 UM, JOE, I KNOW THAT YOU THINK 66 00:02:38,589 --> 00:02:40,660 LAST NIGHT OUR TALK WAS SIGNIFICANT... 67 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,762 WELL, WE NEVER "TALKED" LIKE THAT BEFORE. 68 00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,794 AND WHILE IT WAS VERY NICE, 69 00:02:44,795 --> 00:02:46,336 IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON 70 00:02:46,337 --> 00:02:49,769 KNOWING WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE THAT WONDERFUL TALK. 71 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:54,244 WOW, YOU GUYS CLEARLY WENT A LOT DEEPER THAN MY MOM AND I DID. 72 00:02:54,245 --> 00:02:56,706 SO THAT'S WHAT YOU DECIDED? 73 00:02:56,707 --> 00:02:58,708 YOU AND AUSTIN? 74 00:02:58,709 --> 00:03:00,681 UH-HUH. 75 00:03:02,553 --> 00:03:04,785 WELL THEN, GOOD LUCK TO BOTH OF YOU. 76 00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:12,222 HE SEEMS REALLY CAUGHT UP IN "GAME OF THRONES." 77 00:03:12,223 --> 00:03:14,225 DON'T GET HIM STARTED ON "DOWNTON ABBEY." 78 00:03:17,268 --> 00:03:18,568 STOP HOGGING THE WINDOW. 79 00:03:18,569 --> 00:03:19,769 COME ON, I WANT TO SEE THE HAPPY COUPLE. 80 00:03:19,770 --> 00:03:21,732 FINE. GO AHEAD. 81 00:03:23,574 --> 00:03:24,804 THAT'S AUSTIN. 82 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,707 WHAT'D YOU DO? 83 00:03:30,781 --> 00:03:33,243 YOU'RE GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH AUSTIN? 84 00:03:33,244 --> 00:03:34,844 I'M NOT SAYING WE'RE GETTING MARRIED, 85 00:03:34,845 --> 00:03:36,215 BUT WE'RE GIVING THIS THING A SHOT. 86 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,847 THERE WAS ONLY ONE PROBLEM WITH AUSTIN 87 00:03:37,848 --> 00:03:38,988 AND HE'S GETTING THAT FIXED. 88 00:03:38,989 --> 00:03:41,321 UH, HOW DOES HE FIX NOT BEING JOE? 89 00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:42,652 NO NO NO NO NO. 90 00:03:42,653 --> 00:03:44,324 WITH JOE THERE ARE PROBLEMS ALL THE TIME. 91 00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:45,325 YOU SEE HOW WE GET ALONG. 92 00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:46,356 WE'RE A MESS. 93 00:03:46,357 --> 00:03:47,527 AND IT'S BECAUSE OF HIM. 94 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,759 EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M GREAT. 95 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:51,861 WHAT ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IN NEW JERSEY? 96 00:03:51,862 --> 00:03:53,563 THAT WAS WITH HER, OKAY? 97 00:03:53,564 --> 00:03:55,735 SHE'S THE ONE TO BLAME FOR ALL THIS. 98 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,236 YOU'RE BLAMING A BRA? 99 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,709 A DOUBLE-H BRA. 100 00:03:59,710 --> 00:04:02,672 YOU'RE JUST USING AUSTIN SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR FEELINGS FOR JOE. 101 00:04:02,673 --> 00:04:03,713 YOU'RE AFRAID. 102 00:04:03,714 --> 00:04:05,875 TRUST ME, OKAY? 103 00:04:05,876 --> 00:04:07,947 WHAT I'M DOING IS THE BEST THING FOR JOE. 104 00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,519 BECAUSE I WOULD MAKE HIM MISERABLE. 105 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,551 BUT YOU JUST SAID YOU WERE "SO GREAT." 106 00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,022 OKAY, IF YOU'RE GONNA LISTEN TO EVERYTHING I SAY, 107 00:04:13,023 --> 00:04:14,824 WE CANNOT HAVE A CONVERSATION. 108 00:04:14,825 --> 00:04:16,686 YOU'RE SELFISH AND EGOTISTICAL. 109 00:04:16,687 --> 00:04:18,558 HE'S EGOTISTICAL AND SELFISH. 110 00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:19,829 YOU WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER. 111 00:04:19,830 --> 00:04:21,331 YEAH, MADE TO MAKE EACH OTHER CRAZY. 112 00:04:21,332 --> 00:04:23,434 - CRAZY IN LOVE. - STOP DOING THAT. 113 00:04:24,635 --> 00:04:26,035 IF YOU'RE REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT AUSTIN, 114 00:04:26,036 --> 00:04:27,497 YOU OWE JOE AN EXPLANATION. 115 00:04:27,498 --> 00:04:29,499 ( groans ) 116 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:30,970 WHERE'S THE OTHER LITTLE GIRL WITH HORNS AND A PITCHFORK 117 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,302 WHO'S SUPPOSED TO BE ON THIS SHOULDER? 118 00:04:32,303 --> 00:04:33,843 HOW COME SHE NEVER TELLS ME WHAT TO DO? 119 00:04:33,844 --> 00:04:35,845 BECAUSE YOU'RE ALREADY DOING IT. 120 00:04:35,846 --> 00:04:38,349 OH, THAT MAKES SENSE. 121 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:44,854 JOE, YOU AND I NEED TO HAVE A DISCUSSION. 122 00:04:44,855 --> 00:04:45,786 A DISCUSSION, HUH? 123 00:04:47,358 --> 00:04:50,790 A REAL DISCUSSION. YOU KNOW, WITH OUR CLOTHES ON. 124 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,692 LOOK, I KNOW YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING TO SEE AUSTIN HERE TONIGHT. 125 00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:53,823 NEITHER WAS I. 126 00:04:53,824 --> 00:04:56,025 BUT SOMETIMES FATE TAKES OVER 127 00:04:56,026 --> 00:04:58,027 AND PUTS YOU IN FRONT OF THE PERSON YOU WERE MEANT TO BE WITH. 128 00:04:58,028 --> 00:04:59,729 I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOU AND ME IN JERSEY. 129 00:04:59,730 --> 00:05:01,831 NO NO NO NO. THAT WAS TOTALLY DIFFERENT. 130 00:05:01,832 --> 00:05:03,973 SOMETIMES FATE MAKES MISTAKES. 131 00:05:03,974 --> 00:05:05,806 SOMETIMES PEOPLE TALK OUT OF THEIR ASS. 132 00:05:08,579 --> 00:05:10,440 LOOK, MEL, DEEP DOWN UNDERNEATH 133 00:05:10,441 --> 00:05:11,581 WHEN YOU PEEL AWAY ALL THE DENIAL, 134 00:05:11,582 --> 00:05:12,882 YOU KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT. 135 00:05:12,883 --> 00:05:15,546 WHAT I WANT IS THERE NOT TO BE ANY AWKWARDNESS BETWEEN US. 136 00:05:16,847 --> 00:05:17,987 YOU GOT BACK TOGETHER WITH YOUR EX 137 00:05:17,988 --> 00:05:19,649 THE DAY AFTER SLEEPING WITH ME. 138 00:05:19,650 --> 00:05:20,650 HOW COULD THAT BE AWKWARD? 139 00:05:20,651 --> 00:05:23,052 WELL, WITH TIME 140 00:05:23,053 --> 00:05:25,455 MAYBE EVERYTHING COULD GO BACK TO THE WAY IT USED TO BE AROUND HERE. 141 00:05:25,456 --> 00:05:26,556 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE PART OF THE FAMILY. 142 00:05:26,557 --> 00:05:27,697 NOTHING HAS TO CHANGE. 143 00:05:27,698 --> 00:05:29,699 SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. IN YOUR WORLD, 144 00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:32,502 I STAY HERE WORKING, COOKING THE MEALS, 145 00:05:32,503 --> 00:05:33,833 STACKING THE LAUNDRY, DOING THE KID DUTIES 146 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,035 WHILE YOU AND AUSTIN LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER 147 00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:38,037 UPSTAIRS IN YOUR BEDROOM? 148 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:40,411 WITH HIS NEWLY LOADED TORPEDO. 149 00:05:42,473 --> 00:05:44,844 HOW CAN I SAY "NO" TO THAT? 150 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,776 NO. 151 00:05:46,777 --> 00:05:49,519 WELL YEAH, THE UPSTAIRS STUFF MIGHT BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT, GRANTED. 152 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:50,780 BUT I'D STILL COME DOWN TO THE KITCHEN EVERY DAY 153 00:05:50,781 --> 00:05:52,452 AND SAY "LONGO, YOU'RE DOING THAT WRONG," 154 00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,384 AND YOU'D SAY "BUTT OUT, BURKE. I'M DOING IT RIGHT." 155 00:05:54,385 --> 00:05:57,056 YOU KNOW, WE'D STILL BE, YOU KNOW, US. 156 00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,788 BUT WITH A LITTLE BIT OF AUSTIN. 157 00:05:58,789 --> 00:06:01,632 THAT'S NOT REALLY A TRICYCLE I WANT TO RIDE ON. 158 00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:06,466 - MEL, WHAT HAPPENED IN JERSEY... - WASN'T REAL! 159 00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:07,568 MAYBE NOT FOR YOU. 160 00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:10,770 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU MADE UP YOUR MIND, 161 00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:11,802 SO YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. 162 00:06:12,703 --> 00:06:13,903 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 163 00:06:13,904 --> 00:06:15,805 I QUIT. I CAN'T WORK HERE ANYMORE. 164 00:06:15,806 --> 00:06:17,807 WH... ( sighs ) 165 00:06:17,808 --> 00:06:19,809 OKAY, DON'T GO MAKING ON OF YOUR HOTHEADED JOE DECISIONS. 166 00:06:19,810 --> 00:06:21,611 OH, EXCUSE ME FOR NOT GETTING GIDDY 167 00:06:21,612 --> 00:06:22,652 AFTER YOU DUMP ME. 168 00:06:22,653 --> 00:06:23,783 I DID NOT DUMP YOU. 169 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:26,055 WE HAD ONE VERY SWEET WONDERFUL NIGHT TOGETHER. 170 00:06:26,056 --> 00:06:27,587 THAT YOU NEVER WANT TO TALK ABOUT EVER AGAIN. 171 00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:29,018 THAT'S A CLEAR DUMP. ANYBODY COULD SEE THAT. 172 00:06:29,019 --> 00:06:31,060 I CAN SEE IT. 173 00:06:31,061 --> 00:06:32,662 THAT WAS A FULL-ON DUMP, AUNT MEL. 174 00:06:32,663 --> 00:06:34,393 AND YES, THE WHOLE TIME. 175 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,995 AND EVERY WORD. 176 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,727 I MISSED THE FIRST MINUTE OR TWO, 177 00:06:37,728 --> 00:06:39,169 BUT, YOU KNOW, I GOT THE GIST. 178 00:06:40,471 --> 00:06:41,731 TELL JOE HE CAN'T QUIT. 179 00:06:41,732 --> 00:06:43,473 I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT. 180 00:06:43,474 --> 00:06:44,774 YEAH, WHY WOULD HE STAY? 181 00:06:44,775 --> 00:06:46,876 BECAUSE WE NEED HIM FOR SO MANY THINGS. 182 00:06:46,877 --> 00:06:48,938 YEAH, FOR EXAMPLE, WHAT IF ONE OF US, 183 00:06:48,939 --> 00:06:50,409 LET'S SAY YOU, 184 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,582 MAKES A TERRIBLE DECISION IN HER PERSONAL LIFE 185 00:06:52,583 --> 00:06:53,913 AND JOE WON'T BE HERE TO POINT IT OUT 186 00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,715 SO OTHERS WILL HAVE TO. 187 00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:58,488 YOU'RE MAKING A TERRIBLE DECISION! 188 00:06:58,489 --> 00:07:00,520 LENNOX, SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT FOR YOUR AUNT, ALL RIGHT? 189 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,852 YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE HER DO SOMETHING SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DO. 190 00:07:02,853 --> 00:07:04,153 SO THAT'S WHY I'M MOVING OUT. 191 00:07:04,154 --> 00:07:05,495 THAT'S WHY I'M SEPARATING ALL THE COOKWARE 192 00:07:05,496 --> 00:07:07,498 BETWEEN WHAT'S YOURS AND WHAT'S MINE. 193 00:07:11,762 --> 00:07:13,763 I'M DONE. 194 00:07:13,764 --> 00:07:16,606 ALL RIGHT, LOOK. WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE AFFECTS ALL FOUR OF US, 195 00:07:16,607 --> 00:07:17,667 AND WE'RE ALL HERE RIGHT NOW, 196 00:07:17,668 --> 00:07:19,539 SO LET'S HAVE A FAMILY MEETING. 197 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:20,810 EXCELLENT IDEA, LENNOX. 198 00:07:20,811 --> 00:07:22,472 JOE, JUST HEAR US OUT. 199 00:07:22,473 --> 00:07:24,674 COME ON, YOU OWE US AT LEAST THAT. 200 00:07:24,675 --> 00:07:26,476 NOTHING'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN THIS. 201 00:07:26,477 --> 00:07:28,818 ( cellphone rings ) 202 00:07:28,819 --> 00:07:30,821 IT'S AUSTIN. I MEAN, IT'S AUSTIN, WHATEVER. 203 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:33,753 JUST GO AHEAD AND TAKE IT, MEL. 204 00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,084 - REALLY? - SURE. 205 00:07:35,085 --> 00:07:36,657 THE MOST IMPORTANT THING CAN WAIT. 206 00:07:38,128 --> 00:07:39,859 HEY, HONEY. 207 00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,161 NOT A DARN THING. 208 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:43,462 YOU SEE? 209 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,634 SHE'S MADE UP HER MIND. 210 00:07:44,635 --> 00:07:46,666 OH, DON'T GIVE ME THAT. 211 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:47,997 THIS IS YOUR FAULT, LONGO. 212 00:07:47,998 --> 00:07:49,198 IT'S THE DUMPED GUY'S FAULT? 213 00:07:49,199 --> 00:07:50,800 OH, STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM. 214 00:07:50,801 --> 00:07:51,901 DID YOU EVER TELL HER YOU LOVE HER? 215 00:07:51,902 --> 00:07:54,544 - I WAS GOING TO. - OH, GOING TO. 216 00:07:54,545 --> 00:07:56,075 BIG MAN. 217 00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,607 THE OTHER GUY WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE. 218 00:07:57,608 --> 00:07:58,808 YOU DON'T DO THAT, ALL RIGHT? 219 00:07:58,809 --> 00:08:00,009 HEY, RYDER, YOU'RE A GUY. JUMP IN HERE. 220 00:08:00,010 --> 00:08:01,150 HELP ME OUT. EXPLAIN IT TO HER. 221 00:08:01,151 --> 00:08:02,582 ALL RIGHT, LENNOX, LOOK. 222 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,583 IN ALL FAIRNESS TO JOE... 223 00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:05,215 I WILL POST YOUR BROWSING HISTORY. 224 00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:10,190 YOU KNOW WHAT? SORRY, JOE, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN ON THIS ONE. 225 00:08:12,022 --> 00:08:13,893 YOU AND AUNT MEL ARE RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER. 226 00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:14,894 YOU KNOW THAT. 227 00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,596 FOR TWO PEOPLE TO BE RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER, 228 00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:17,867 THEY BOTH HAVE TO KNOW IT. 229 00:08:17,868 --> 00:08:18,729 I DON'T GET IT. 230 00:08:18,730 --> 00:08:19,969 AFTER ALL YOU TWO HAVE BEEN THROUGH, 231 00:08:19,970 --> 00:08:21,731 HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT HER NOW AND FEEL NOTHING? 232 00:08:21,732 --> 00:08:22,802 WHO SAID I FEEL NOTHING? 233 00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,273 WELL YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING. 234 00:08:24,274 --> 00:08:25,805 SO, WHAT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA GIVE UP? 235 00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:28,277 HEY, I DIDN'T GIVE UP, ALL RIGHT? SHE GAVE UP. 236 00:08:28,278 --> 00:08:31,611 SHE GAVE UP ON A GREAT THING. 237 00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,813 YOU KNOW I'M TALKING ABOUT ME, RIGHT? 238 00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:36,587 PRETTY HEALTHY EGO FOR A GUY WHO JUST GOT DUMPED. 239 00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:41,722 WOW, THE WOMEN IN THIS HOUSE ARE SO COLD. 240 00:08:46,997 --> 00:08:49,528 SO YOU KNOW, WHEN I MOVE OUT THINGS ARE GONNA BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT AROUND HERE. 241 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,760 IT'LL BE HELL. WE'LL STARVE. 242 00:08:50,761 --> 00:08:53,032 IT'LL END IN CANNIBALISM. 243 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,765 YOU'RE ALL SKIN AND BONES, MAN. YOU'LL BE THE LAST ONE TO GO. 244 00:08:55,766 --> 00:08:57,567 I'M NEVER GONNA LET THAT HAPPEN, OKAY? 245 00:08:57,568 --> 00:08:59,008 THAT'S WHY I'M LEAVING YOU A STARTER SELECTION 246 00:08:59,009 --> 00:09:00,209 OF QUALITY COOKWARE. 247 00:09:00,210 --> 00:09:02,141 - SHOULD I GET LENNOX? - WE KNOW THE DEAL. 248 00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:05,014 IN THIS HOUSE, MEN DO THE COOKING. 249 00:09:05,015 --> 00:09:07,546 THAT'S WHY I'M GONNA GIVE YOU SOMETHING ALL GUYS SHOULD HAVE. 250 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,750 A TOP QUALITY NON-STICK SAUTEE PAN. 251 00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,852 THIS THING RIGHT HERE IS THE WORKHORSE OF ANY GOOD KITCHEN. 252 00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:14,624 - SHOULD I BE TAKING NOTES? - NO, IT'S OKAY. 253 00:09:14,625 --> 00:09:16,555 I'M GONNA BE SAYING EVERYTHING LIKE 18 TIMES. 254 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,758 GOOD, THAT'S ABOUT WHEN IT SINKS IN. 255 00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:20,630 SO LOOK, IT ALL BEGINS, OKAY? 256 00:09:20,631 --> 00:09:23,092 OLIVE OIL, ONIONS AND GARLIC. 257 00:09:23,093 --> 00:09:25,234 NOW, I AM CONVINCED IF ANYTHING WERE TO CIVILIZATION, 258 00:09:25,235 --> 00:09:26,896 AS LONG AS WE HAVE OLIVE OIL, ONIONS, AND GARLIC, 259 00:09:26,897 --> 00:09:29,238 WE COULD REBUILD IN LIKE A MONTH. 260 00:09:29,239 --> 00:09:31,641 OH, HELLO. 261 00:09:31,642 --> 00:09:33,843 I'M ON MY WAY OUT. 262 00:09:33,844 --> 00:09:34,844 I'M ON MY WAY OUT TOO. 263 00:09:34,845 --> 00:09:37,647 IN A MORE GENERAL SENSE, OF COURSE. 264 00:09:37,648 --> 00:09:39,578 I'M NOT HERE OFFICIALLY WORKING. 265 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:40,950 I'M JUST TEACHING THE KID THE ROPES. 266 00:09:40,951 --> 00:09:42,311 OH, THAT'S VERY SWEET OF YOU. 267 00:09:42,312 --> 00:09:43,753 HEY, AUNT MEL, YOU KNOW IT ALL STARTS 268 00:09:43,754 --> 00:09:45,154 RIGHT HERE, RIGHT? WITH OLIVE OIL, 269 00:09:45,155 --> 00:09:47,617 ONIONS, AND, UH... 270 00:09:47,618 --> 00:09:49,689 AND SOMETHING. 271 00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:51,060 IT'S A WORK-IN-PROGRESS. 272 00:09:51,061 --> 00:09:54,624 WELL, I'M GOING TO THE SYMPHONY TONIGHT WITH A FRIEND. 273 00:09:54,625 --> 00:09:56,626 OKAY, OBVIOUSLY IT'S AUSTIN. 274 00:09:56,627 --> 00:09:57,827 I DON'T KNOW WHY I DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT. 275 00:09:57,828 --> 00:09:58,968 I DON'T HAVE TO MAKE EXCUSES. 276 00:09:58,969 --> 00:10:00,930 SEE? THIS ISN'T WEIRD. BYE. 277 00:10:00,931 --> 00:10:02,171 YOU LOOK NICE. 278 00:10:02,172 --> 00:10:03,232 WHAT? 279 00:10:03,233 --> 00:10:04,904 I JUST SAID YOU LOOK NICE, 280 00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,375 THAT'S ALL. 281 00:10:06,376 --> 00:10:07,837 CAN'T SOMEONE GIVE SOMEONE ELSE 282 00:10:07,838 --> 00:10:09,038 A COMPLIMENT IN THIS HOUSE WITHOUT THERE BEING 283 00:10:09,039 --> 00:10:10,911 SOME DEEP UNDERLYING MEANING AND A BUNCH OF LAYERS UNDER IT? 284 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,113 IT WAS JUST A SIMPLE "YOU LOOK NICE." 285 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,184 IT'S NO BIG DEAL. 286 00:10:15,185 --> 00:10:18,318 RIGHT. NO BIG DEAL. 287 00:10:21,391 --> 00:10:24,353 HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 288 00:10:24,354 --> 00:10:26,727 YOU'RE CHOPPING IT WAY TOO BIG. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO FEED A FAMILY OF BEARS? 289 00:10:28,859 --> 00:10:30,760 OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? AND ONE MORE THING. 290 00:10:30,761 --> 00:10:33,032 I NEED TO TEACH YOU HOW TO CHANGE A FUSE. 291 00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,633 YOU REMEMBER WHERE THE FUSE BOX IS, RIGHT? 292 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,405 COULD YOU MAYBE REFRESH MY MEMORY? 293 00:10:36,406 --> 00:10:38,408 METAL PANEL? YEA BY YEA? 294 00:10:39,970 --> 00:10:41,040 GARLIC! 295 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:43,072 HEY, THAT'S THE THIRD ONE. 296 00:10:43,073 --> 00:10:44,845 YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY, KID. 297 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:50,780 PORK TENDERLOIN WITH A LEMON MUSTARD GLAZE. 298 00:10:50,781 --> 00:10:52,782 YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GLAZE AND A SAUCE? 299 00:10:52,783 --> 00:10:54,925 'CAUSE, UH, ( clicks tongue ) I DO. 300 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,127 CAN I OFFER YOU A SLICE? 301 00:10:58,128 --> 00:10:59,959 DID YOU EVER MAKE THIS BEFORE? 302 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,191 - NOPE. - THEN I'M GONNA WAIT FOR YOU TO EAT IT FIRST 303 00:11:02,192 --> 00:11:04,133 AND SEE IF YOU DIE. 304 00:11:04,134 --> 00:11:05,835 YOUR LOSS. 305 00:11:05,836 --> 00:11:07,437 ( sighs ) 306 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:11,771 OH MY GOD. 307 00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:14,875 I THINK I JUST HAD A PORK-GASM. 308 00:11:16,847 --> 00:11:19,709 I AM DEFINITELY NOT EATING IT NOW. 309 00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:21,781 IF YOU DON'T SPEAK UP, I'M GONNA EAT THIS WHOLE THING. 310 00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:23,853 GO FOR IT. PORK OUT. 311 00:11:23,854 --> 00:11:24,915 ( knocking on door ) 312 00:11:27,317 --> 00:11:28,788 HEY, RYDER, LENNOX, 313 00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:31,791 MY TWO FAVORITE... RELATIVES OF MY GIRLFRIEND. 314 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,423 AUSTIN... NOT SURE WHAT TO CALL YOU. 315 00:11:34,424 --> 00:11:36,465 - PORK? - SEEMS LIKE AN ODD NICKNAME, 316 00:11:36,466 --> 00:11:37,828 BUT OKAY. 317 00:11:38,829 --> 00:11:41,400 ANYWAY, BIG DINNER LATER WITH YOUR AUNT. 318 00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:42,701 BIG DINNER. 319 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,804 OH, ON THAT SUBJECT, CAN I TALK TO YOU? 320 00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:46,035 I NEED YOUR HELP WITH SOMETHING. 321 00:11:46,036 --> 00:11:47,907 ME HELP YOU? 322 00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,438 ( nervous chuckle ) 323 00:11:49,439 --> 00:11:52,241 OKAY. 324 00:11:52,242 --> 00:11:54,183 ENGAGEMENT? 325 00:11:54,184 --> 00:11:55,484 I WANT TONIGHT TO GO JUST RIGHT. 326 00:11:55,485 --> 00:11:57,246 BUT YOU JUST SHOWED UP TWO DAYS AGO. 327 00:11:57,247 --> 00:11:58,818 YOU HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN TO THAT DOCTOR 328 00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:00,820 WHO'S GONNA FIX YOUR PRIVATE PARTS. 329 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:03,853 APPARENTLY NOT THAT PRIVATE. 330 00:12:03,854 --> 00:12:07,126 JUST KIND OF SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE RUSHING INTO THIS. 331 00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:09,258 HEY, I'VE KNOWN MEL MY WHOLE LIFE. 332 00:12:09,259 --> 00:12:10,860 I'M GONNA ACT NOW BEFORE SOME OTHER GUY 333 00:12:10,861 --> 00:12:13,132 FIGURES OUT HOW AMAZING SHE IS. 334 00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,463 I BOOKED THE BEST TABLE AT EMILIO'S, 335 00:12:14,464 --> 00:12:15,805 AND I'M ASKING HER TONIGHT, 336 00:12:15,806 --> 00:12:19,038 SO WHICH ONE OF THESE DO YOU THINK SHE'LL LIKE? 337 00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:21,971 - NONE OF THEM. - WHAT? 338 00:12:21,972 --> 00:12:23,813 OH, COME ON, THEY'RE DIAMONDS. 339 00:12:23,814 --> 00:12:25,815 YOU DON'T KNOW HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT THE DIAMOND TRADE? 340 00:12:25,816 --> 00:12:28,017 OH, IT'S LIKE THIS BIG POLITICAL THING WITH HER. 341 00:12:28,018 --> 00:12:29,819 YEAH, THOSE ARE LIKE SHINY LITTLE LANDMINES. 342 00:12:29,820 --> 00:12:32,251 JUST "BOOM BOOM BOOM!" 343 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,853 REALLY? I... 344 00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:34,854 I HAD NO IDEA. 345 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,386 YOU WANT MY ADVICE? JUST GO HOME RIGHT NOW 346 00:12:37,387 --> 00:12:39,528 AND RETHINK THE WHOLE THING. 347 00:12:39,529 --> 00:12:40,860 HURRY. RUN. 348 00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,391 OH, GOOD, AUSTIN. 349 00:12:42,392 --> 00:12:44,965 HEY, ARE THESE EARRINGS OKAY FOR THE RESTAURANT TONIGHT? 350 00:12:46,036 --> 00:12:47,366 PERFECT. WHAT ARE THEY, CUBIC ZIRCONIA? 351 00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:50,139 ARE YOU KIDDING? ICE ICE, BABY. 352 00:12:50,140 --> 00:12:52,441 MOMMA LOVES HER DIAMONDS. 353 00:12:52,442 --> 00:12:54,974 OHH. REALLY? 354 00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,205 ( chuckles ) 355 00:12:56,206 --> 00:12:59,809 FUNNY DIAMOND JOKE. 356 00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:01,380 ALL RIGHT, WHO'S READY TO TAKE ME TO DINNER? 357 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:02,852 I THINK I CAN DO THAT. 358 00:13:02,853 --> 00:13:04,353 YOU KNOW, YOU STILL HAVEN'T TOLD ME YET WHERE WE'RE GOING. 359 00:13:04,354 --> 00:13:05,885 IT'S A SURPRISE. 360 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:08,018 OH, WELL, I LIKE SURPRISES. 361 00:13:10,961 --> 00:13:13,293 SURPRISE! HE'S THE WRONG GUY. 362 00:13:21,972 --> 00:13:23,232 WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT THIS? 363 00:13:23,233 --> 00:13:25,304 RIGHT NOW AUSTIN'S TAKING AUNT MEL OUT TO DINNER 364 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,305 AND HE'S GONNA PROPOSE. 365 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,507 AND HE CAN'T MISS. HE HAS THREE RINGS. 366 00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,239 WHO DOES THAT? 367 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:31,381 THE CIRCUS. 368 00:13:37,447 --> 00:13:39,218 I FEEL AWFUL. 369 00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:40,419 WELL, YEAH. 370 00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:42,251 BECAUSE WE KNOW HE'S NOT THE RIGHT GUY FOR HER. 371 00:13:42,252 --> 00:13:43,923 NO, MY STOMACH. 372 00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:45,255 I THINK IT'S THE PORK. 373 00:13:47,257 --> 00:13:48,397 THEN STOP EATING IT. 374 00:13:48,398 --> 00:13:50,130 OH, BUT IT'S SO GOOD. 375 00:13:51,401 --> 00:13:53,262 DUDE, IT'S PINK IN THE MIDDLE. 376 00:13:53,263 --> 00:13:54,263 IT'S NOT COOKED ENOUGH. 377 00:13:54,264 --> 00:13:56,105 YOU DIDN'T KILL THE BACTERIA, 378 00:13:56,106 --> 00:13:57,606 YOU JUST PISSED THEM OFF. 379 00:13:57,607 --> 00:13:59,108 IT REALLY HURTS. 380 00:13:59,109 --> 00:14:00,339 WELL, IT'S YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT. 381 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,342 ALL RIGHT, IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE GONNA VOMIT, 382 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,016 SWALLOW IT 'CAUSE AUNT MEL LOVES THAT COUCH. 383 00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:09,919 HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS KITCHEN? 384 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,250 LOOK AT THIS. THERE'S OPEN CONTAINERS EVERYWHERE. 385 00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,451 IT'S A DISASTER. 386 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,383 THERE'S A TON OF DISHES IN THE SINK. 387 00:14:14,384 --> 00:14:16,585 I MEAN... ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 388 00:14:16,586 --> 00:14:19,358 THE KID USED PORK FOR A BEEF TENDERLOIN RECIPE? 389 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,991 WHY DO I LET MYSELF CARE SO MUCH? 390 00:14:21,992 --> 00:14:23,262 OKAY, FORGET THAT. 391 00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:24,934 RIGHT NOW, AUSTIN'S TAKING MEL TO DINNER, 392 00:14:24,935 --> 00:14:26,436 AND HE'S GOING TO PROPOSE TO HER. 393 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,138 SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? 394 00:14:29,139 --> 00:14:31,270 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M NOT GONNA DO ABOUT IT. 395 00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:34,143 I'M NOT GONNA CLEAN THIS KITCHEN UP, ALL RIGHT? 396 00:14:34,144 --> 00:14:35,945 YOUR BROTHER'S GONNA GET IN HERE AND CLEAN IT UP. 397 00:14:35,946 --> 00:14:38,107 HE'S GOT TO LEARN HOW TO WASH A COUPLE OF POTS! 398 00:14:38,108 --> 00:14:39,578 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT. 399 00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,350 YOU CAN'T JUST LET AUSTIN DO THIS. 400 00:14:41,351 --> 00:14:42,511 THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO, ALL RIGHT? 401 00:14:42,512 --> 00:14:43,582 SHE'S ALREADY MADE UP HER MIND. 402 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:44,984 I HAVE MY PRIDE. 403 00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,385 OH, GET OVER YOURSELF. 404 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,017 DO YOU REALLY WANT HER TO MARRY AUSTIN? 405 00:14:48,018 --> 00:14:49,218 NO, OF COURSE I DON'T. BUT... 406 00:14:49,219 --> 00:14:50,259 NO "BUTS"! 407 00:14:50,260 --> 00:14:52,061 GET DOWN THERE AND TELL HER YOU LOVE HER, 408 00:14:52,062 --> 00:14:53,522 OTHERWISE AUNT MEL'S GONNA WIND UP WITH THE WRONG GUY, 409 00:14:53,523 --> 00:14:55,594 AND WHEN YOU DIE, THEY'LL WRITE ON YOUR GRAVESTONE: 410 00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,066 "HERE LIES JOE. 411 00:14:57,067 --> 00:15:01,130 HE DIED SAD AND ALONE, BUT HE HAD HIS PRIDE. 412 00:15:01,131 --> 00:15:04,174 SO THERE'S THAT." 413 00:15:06,276 --> 00:15:08,037 OKAY. OKAY. 414 00:15:08,038 --> 00:15:09,338 ALL RIGHT. I'M GONNA DO IT. 415 00:15:09,339 --> 00:15:10,339 I'M GONNA DO IT. 416 00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:11,680 - WHERE DID HE TAKE HER? - EMILIO'S. 417 00:15:11,681 --> 00:15:13,142 EMI... ( scoffs ) 418 00:15:13,143 --> 00:15:14,283 SOUTHERN ITALIAN? 419 00:15:14,284 --> 00:15:16,386 THE GUY'S GOT NO TASTE. 420 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,249 WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA FOLLOW ME DOWN TO THE RESTAURANT? 421 00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:21,490 NO, I'M JUST MAKING SURE YOU DON'T CHICKEN OUT. 422 00:15:21,491 --> 00:15:23,052 HEY, I DO NOT CHICKEN OUT. 423 00:15:23,053 --> 00:15:24,653 GOOD, ANGER. USE THAT. 424 00:15:24,654 --> 00:15:27,596 ( groans ) 425 00:15:27,597 --> 00:15:28,597 WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HIM? 426 00:15:28,598 --> 00:15:29,959 NOTHING. BAD PORK. 427 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,260 HE'LL PUKE. HE'LL FEEL BETTER. 428 00:15:31,261 --> 00:15:33,132 RYDER'S LIFE IS VERY SIMPLE. 429 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,603 NO, I DON'T FEEL SICK REALLY. 430 00:15:34,604 --> 00:15:36,505 IT JUST HURTS. 431 00:15:36,506 --> 00:15:39,138 - WHERE DOES IT HURT? - IN HIS PORK STUFFED AREA. 432 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:40,509 - NOW GO. - RIGHT HERE. 433 00:15:40,510 --> 00:15:42,141 OKAY, JOE, WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST GO ALREADY? 434 00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:44,143 WILL YOU STOP, PLEASE? I'M NOT LEAVING HIM LIKE THIS. 435 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:45,574 LOOK AT ME. 436 00:15:45,575 --> 00:15:47,016 HE LOOKS TERRIBLE. 437 00:15:47,017 --> 00:15:48,347 HE ALWAYS LOOKS TERRIBLE. 438 00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,380 NOW WOULD YOU JUST GO? 439 00:15:52,382 --> 00:15:53,382 I DON'T THINK I EVER TOLD YOU THIS, 440 00:15:53,383 --> 00:15:55,154 BUT WHEN WE WERE 10 YEARS OLD AND PLAYING "A-TEAM" 441 00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:57,286 IN THE BACKYARD, AND MY SISTER MEREDITH 442 00:15:57,287 --> 00:15:59,458 HAD TO JUDGE WHICH ONE OF US WOULD BE BETTER AT BEING MR. T, 443 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,590 AND WHO WOULD SAY "I PITY THE FOOL." 444 00:16:01,591 --> 00:16:04,963 WELL, AFTERWARDS, MEREDITH TOLD ME 445 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,266 ( mockingly ) "YOU LOVE AUSTIN." 446 00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,268 - WHAT DID YOU SAY? - I PUNCHED HER. 447 00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:10,669 - WHY? - I WAS MR. T. 448 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,001 THAT'S WHAT HE WOULD DO. 449 00:16:12,002 --> 00:16:13,072 AND I WAS WEARING A LOT OF RINGS 450 00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:14,404 - SO IT REALLY HURT. - AHH. 451 00:16:16,606 --> 00:16:18,507 MEL, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? 452 00:16:18,508 --> 00:16:19,648 SURE, WHAT? 453 00:16:19,649 --> 00:16:21,480 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR SISTER WOULD SAY 454 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:22,581 IF SHE WERE HERE RIGHT NOW? 455 00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:25,355 "I JUST ESCAPED FROM JAIL. HIDE ME." 456 00:16:26,316 --> 00:16:28,087 I THINK SHE WOULD GIVE ME THAT SMUG 457 00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:29,618 SMILE OF HERS AND SAY. 458 00:16:29,619 --> 00:16:33,162 "SEE, MELLY? BIG SISTERS ALWAYS KNOW BETTER." 459 00:16:33,163 --> 00:16:34,293 AND THEN I'D HAVE TO PUNCH HER AGAIN. 460 00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:36,325 ( both chuckle ) 461 00:16:36,326 --> 00:16:38,397 DOES IT HURT WHEN I TOUCH RIGHT HERE. 462 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:39,768 ( winces, groans ) 463 00:16:39,769 --> 00:16:41,300 SEE, HE'S FINE. 464 00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:43,732 NOW WOULD YOU JUST GET DOWN TO THAT RESTAURANT 465 00:16:43,733 --> 00:16:46,035 AND STOP THAT PROPOSAL? EVERY MINUTE COUNTS. 466 00:16:46,036 --> 00:16:49,178 I DON'T THINK IT'S A STOMACH ACHE, LENNOX. 467 00:16:49,179 --> 00:16:50,310 WILL YOU STOP EATING?! 468 00:16:55,085 --> 00:16:57,146 I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND. I ORDERED YOU DESSERT. 469 00:16:57,147 --> 00:16:59,618 NO, I LIKE A MAN WHO TAKES CHARGE. 470 00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:01,150 WELL, NOT REALLY. I JUST LIKE GETTING DESSERT. 471 00:17:01,151 --> 00:17:03,292 ( cellphone rings ) 472 00:17:03,293 --> 00:17:04,623 I'M SORRY, IT JUST KEEPS RINGING. 473 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,295 IT'S JUST USUALLY WORK. 474 00:17:06,296 --> 00:17:08,627 I'LL TURN IT OFF. 475 00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,399 OOH, THAT ONE LOOKS REALLY GOOD. 476 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:11,430 DO YOU MIND IF WE SWITCH? 477 00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:12,431 NO NO NO NO. THE STRAWBERRY ONE'S FOR YOU. 478 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:13,602 IT'S MUCH MUCH BETTER. 479 00:17:13,603 --> 00:17:15,364 WELL THEN WHY'D YOU GET THE CHOCOLATE ONE? 480 00:17:15,365 --> 00:17:16,665 SO THEN I'D KNOW WHICH ONE WAS YOURS. 481 00:17:16,666 --> 00:17:18,337 AUSTIN, ARE YOU OKAY? 482 00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:20,309 JUST A LITTLE TENSE. 483 00:17:20,310 --> 00:17:22,071 NOTHING A GOOD PARFAIT WON'T CURE. 484 00:17:22,072 --> 00:17:24,313 YOU PUT A LOT OF FAITH IN DESSERT. 485 00:17:24,314 --> 00:17:26,346 WE ARE VERY COMPATIBLE. 486 00:17:27,417 --> 00:17:29,078 I'M SO SORRY TO INTERRUPT. 487 00:17:29,079 --> 00:17:31,150 MISS BURKE, YOUR NIECE HAS BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU. 488 00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,152 - SHE SAYS IT'S URGENT. - OKAY. 489 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:36,155 LENNOX, HONEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER? 490 00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:37,626 REALLY? IS HE OKAY? 491 00:17:37,627 --> 00:17:39,558 OF COURSE. I'M ON MY WAY. 492 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:40,589 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 493 00:17:40,590 --> 00:17:42,161 JOE TOOK RYDER TO THE HOSPITAL. 494 00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,292 HIS APPENDIX WAS ABOUT TO BURST. 495 00:17:43,293 --> 00:17:45,294 - HE'S GOING INTO SURGERY. - SO HE'S OKAY. 496 00:17:45,295 --> 00:17:47,266 I HOPE. I'LL FIND OUT WHEN I GET THERE. 497 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:48,467 NO, PLEASE. AFTER THE PARFAIT. 498 00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:50,068 JUST EAT THE PARFAIT. 499 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,700 AUSTIN, I REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT THE PARFAIT RIGHT NOW. 500 00:17:51,701 --> 00:17:53,303 MY NEPHEW'S IN THE HOSPITAL. I NEED TO BE THERE. 501 00:17:54,504 --> 00:17:57,075 THERE, THERE, SEE? LOOK, IT'S A RING. 502 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,248 THIS IS WHY YOU HAD TO GET THE STRAWBERRY PARFAIT. 503 00:17:59,249 --> 00:18:01,280 NOW COULD YOU JUST PLEASE SIT DOWN SO I CAN PROPOSE TO YOU. 504 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,182 WOW. 505 00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:05,184 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING. 506 00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,785 I HAVE TO GO. 507 00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:08,617 REALLY? COME ON, RYDER IS IN SURGERY. 508 00:18:08,618 --> 00:18:09,818 HE'LL BE THERE FOR LIKE TWO HOURS. 509 00:18:09,819 --> 00:18:12,161 WHAT CAN YOU DO THAT THE DOCTORS CAN'T? 510 00:18:12,162 --> 00:18:13,292 AND BESIDES, JOE'S THERE. 511 00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:15,464 LET'S SIT. 512 00:18:15,465 --> 00:18:17,095 I'M GOING TO THE HOSPITAL. 513 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,298 ( exhales ) OKAY, FINE. 514 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:20,669 DO YOU WANT ME TO GO WITH YOU? 515 00:18:20,670 --> 00:18:23,172 NO. 516 00:18:23,173 --> 00:18:24,334 JOE'S THERE. 517 00:18:29,579 --> 00:18:30,879 LENNOX. 518 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:32,341 HOW'S RYDER? WHERE'S JOE? 519 00:18:32,342 --> 00:18:34,513 RYDER'S WITH THE DOCTORS. JOE'S IN THERE WITH HIM. 520 00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:36,645 HE CONVINCED THE HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT TO DO RYDER'S SURGERY. 521 00:18:36,646 --> 00:18:37,786 HE WOULDN'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. 522 00:18:37,787 --> 00:18:39,648 USING HIS OBNOXIOUS POWERS FOR GOOD. 523 00:18:39,649 --> 00:18:41,150 GLAD HE'S ON OUR SIDE. 524 00:18:41,151 --> 00:18:42,651 NOW I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS. 525 00:18:42,652 --> 00:18:44,653 WHAT HAPPENED AT DINNER? I DON'T SEE ANY BAD DECISIONS 526 00:18:44,654 --> 00:18:45,654 ON YOUR RING FINGER. 527 00:18:45,655 --> 00:18:47,396 YOU KNEW AUSTIN WAS PROPOSING? 528 00:18:47,397 --> 00:18:49,398 YES. AND I TOLD JOE, AND HE WAS ON HIS WAY 529 00:18:49,399 --> 00:18:51,129 DOWN THERE TO STOP IT, BUT THEN STUPID RYDER 530 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,161 MESSED UP THE PLAN. 531 00:18:52,162 --> 00:18:53,732 BY DEVIOUSLY BURSTING HIS APPENDIX? 532 00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,304 YEAH. BIG WHINER. 533 00:18:55,305 --> 00:18:57,606 NOT EVERYTHING'S ABOUT YOU, RYDER. 534 00:18:57,607 --> 00:18:59,638 ALL I DID WAS ASK THE DOCTORS 535 00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,270 IF THEY ALL WENT TO MEDICAL SCHOOL IN THIS COUNTRY. 536 00:19:01,271 --> 00:19:04,473 HOW IS THAT HOSTILE?! 537 00:19:04,474 --> 00:19:05,574 HOW IS THAT HOSTILE? 538 00:19:05,575 --> 00:19:07,176 HUH? 539 00:19:07,177 --> 00:19:08,317 MEL, YOU'RE HERE. 540 00:19:08,318 --> 00:19:10,549 GOOD. ALL RIGHT, SO LOOK, RYDER'S IN SURGERY RIGHT NOW. 541 00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,321 IT SHOULD BE SMOOTH SAILING. I DIDN'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME, 542 00:19:12,322 --> 00:19:14,854 BUT I THINK I PUT TOGETHER A VERY GOOD SURGICAL TEAM. 543 00:19:16,326 --> 00:19:18,728 THE ANESTHESIOLOGIST IS LIKE NUMBER ONE ON YELP. 544 00:19:19,929 --> 00:19:21,660 HE SHOULD BE OUT OF THERE IN LIKE 45 MINUTES, TOPS. 545 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,562 ALTHOUGH I TOLD THEM NOT TO RUSH! 546 00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:25,434 - JOE. - YEAH? 547 00:19:25,435 --> 00:19:27,637 I LOVE YOU. 548 00:19:31,341 --> 00:19:32,801 COOL. SO LOOK, RYDER'S GONNA BE IN THE HOSPITAL 549 00:19:32,802 --> 00:19:34,172 LIKE TWO DAYS, 550 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,374 SO YOU CAN TAKE THE FIRST NIGHT, 551 00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,575 I CAN TAKE THE SECOND NIGHT. OR WHATEVER. 552 00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:38,176 I COULD TAKE THE FIRST NIGHT, YOU COULD TAKE THE SECOND NIGHT. 553 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,678 - IT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME. - JOE, DID YOU HEAR ME? 554 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,380 YEAH, YOU JUST SAID YOU LOVE ME. 555 00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:43,382 YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY? 556 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:45,314 RYDER THOUGHT THIS WAS ALL ABOUT THE PORK. 557 00:19:45,315 --> 00:19:47,856 BUT EVERYBODY KNOWS PORK DOESN'T CAUSE THAT KIND OF... 558 00:19:47,857 --> 00:19:50,319 - OH, YOU DRIVE ME NUTS! - YOU DRIVE ME NUTS TOO, 559 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,190 BUT WE'RE REALLY NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW. 560 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,462 AUSTIN WANTED ME TO MARRY HIM, 561 00:19:53,463 --> 00:19:54,863 - AND I SAID NO. - THAT'S A SMART MOVE. 562 00:19:54,864 --> 00:19:56,395 I NEVER THOUGHT HE WAS RIGHT FOR YOU. 563 00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:57,666 LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT FOR ME? 564 00:19:57,667 --> 00:19:59,328 NO. 565 00:19:59,329 --> 00:20:01,670 BUT YOU KNOW, WHEN AM I WRONG? 566 00:20:01,671 --> 00:20:02,771 ( chuckles ) 567 00:20:02,772 --> 00:20:04,403 SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO STRANGLE YOU. 568 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:06,906 OH, WOULD YOU TWO JUST STOP TALKING AND KISS?! 569 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,246 SEE? THAT WORKS. 570 00:20:17,247 --> 00:20:19,388 YEAH, BECAUSE WHEN WE'RE KISSING, YOU'RE NOT TALKING. 571 00:20:19,389 --> 00:20:20,650 WELL, I... 572 00:20:29,799 --> 00:20:31,400 THE DOCTOR SAYS RYDER'S DOING GREAT, 573 00:20:31,401 --> 00:20:33,362 BUT HE'LL WAKE UP IN A LOT OF PAIN. 574 00:20:33,363 --> 00:20:35,304 OKAY, WELL, I'LL TAKE THE FIRST NIGHT HERE. 575 00:20:35,305 --> 00:20:36,335 NO NO NO. YOU'VE DEALT WITH EVERYTHING ELSE. 576 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,836 I SHOULD DO THE FIRST NIGHT. 577 00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:39,808 LET'S BE HONEST. NO ONE'S GONNA BE LEAVING HERE TONIGHT. 578 00:20:39,809 --> 00:20:42,741 SO THE QUESTION OF THE EVENING IS 579 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,813 UNIDENTIFIED MEAT, 580 00:20:44,814 --> 00:20:48,677 OR UNIDENTIFIED MEAT WITH CHEESE? 581 00:20:48,678 --> 00:20:50,819 - THE MACHINE HAVE ANY WINE? - IT'S A HOSPITAL. 582 00:20:50,820 --> 00:20:53,953 OKAY, MORPHINE, CODEINE, SOMETHING? 583 00:20:56,686 --> 00:20:59,289 WE'RE REALLY GONNA GIVE YOU AND ME A GO, HUH? 584 00:21:00,390 --> 00:21:01,390 WE ARE. 585 00:21:01,391 --> 00:21:03,792 WELL, IN THAT CASE... 586 00:21:03,793 --> 00:21:05,865 I THINK IT CALLS FOR A LITTLE CELEBRATION. 587 00:21:07,937 --> 00:21:10,469 OOH. 588 00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:11,970 LOOK WHO SNUCK DOWN TO THE ALL-NIGHT MINI MART 589 00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,542 AND GRABBED SOME CHEAP WINE. 590 00:21:13,543 --> 00:21:16,305 OH, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I DON'T WANT TO STRANGLE YOU. 591 00:21:16,306 --> 00:21:19,007 WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO KILL THE BEST GUY YOU'VE EVER BEEN WITH? 592 00:21:19,008 --> 00:21:21,010 AND THEN SUDDENLY I DO AGAIN.